Reviews of instant noodles

Buldak Hot Chicken Flavor by Samyang: 4.5/5

The taste is nice, the noodles are of higher quality than most cheap brands, but... dear God, they weren't kidding about hot. Jesus Christ, is it spicy! Well, not at first- it tastes mildly spicy at first, then suddenly the spice hits you all at once. Let me tell you, it hits hard. Even a while after eating it my lips were still numb. It quite literally brought me to tears... to be fair, I added both the spicy sauce and the chili flakes, which come in separate bags, so...

With that out of the way, I loved it. It's not an experience I want to go through again (at least for now), but it's one I'm glad I've gotten out of the way. I wouldn't recommend it to people with low to mid spice tolerance though!

Vegetable Masala flavor by Wai Wai: 3/5

It's almost overwhelmingly spicy if your spice tolerance is low or mid (I'm on the latter tier, at least for now). This might be a bit too much for some, but I actually really liked it- it tastes like actual Masala, not some cheap knockoff.

While overall average, they're quite good for their cheap price.

Tomato and Mozzarella Pasta Pot by Knorr: 3.5/5

What's this? A review of instant pasta? Yeah, that's right. We're going Italian today! I'm just full of surprises, aren't I?

So, Knorr. I've praised them before for their instant noodle broths (which is good, seeing as they're primarily a broth-making company), but pasta requires more than just broth- instead, it requires a full-blown sauce. Seeing as this isn't their usual shtick, how did Knorr perform?

Quite nicely, I'd say. The sauce is a bit too water-y, which is kind of to be expected from an instant meal, but the flavor was pretty nice, if only a bit too salty. Overall, it's above average- nice flavor, but the texture leaves something to be desired.

Beef flavor by Koka: 3/5

So, in a bout of misplaced nostalgia I decided to buy the kind of noodles I used to eat a bunch as a young teenager: Koka's beef flavor.

I know, I know. I shit on Koka all the time. However, this time it was a lot better than my previous run-in with Koka (not that that's a high expectation). So, what makes it better?

The broth is salty, yet not overly so. It has a nice taste to it, almost savory, though the quality of the actual noodles was, as expected from Koka, pretty cheap.

Overall, they're decent. I guess there was a reason my 14 year-old ate so many of these (other than the price, of course).

Peanut satay sauce by Vitasia (Lidl): 4/5

Pretty nice! It's spicy, but not too much, and it's also sweet, giving it quite the pleasant mix of flavors.

The spiciness isn't too much to handle, but it does hit you all at once. I imagine this would be a problem for folks who do not have a high spice tolerance.

My only complaint is that it's supposed to be cooked with a microwave according to the instructions. To be clear, you can heat it up in a pan or something, but the lack of alternative instructions is frustrating. Especially if you don't have a microwave like me...

Masala flavor by Koka: 0/5

Terrible. Simply terrible. I wasn't expecting much, but I expected it to be at least edible. It was similar to Koka's curry flavor in the sense that it was very spicy, but other than that it was very nauseating to eat... I couldn't even finish it, I ended up throwing half of it away.

Not even worth the 90 cents I spent on it, holy shit.

Oyakata Miso Ramen by Ajinomoto: 3.5/5

A very pleasant, mild flavor. However, it doesn't really taste like miso... namely because the amount of black pepper and ginger overshadows it. It's still tasty, with a very pleasant spicy kick to it, but I can't really get over it not tasting like miso.

Tentação de Galinha by Knorr: 4.5/5

With its name translating to «Chicken Temptation» (seriously, who names these fucking things?), Knorr certainly seems to have pride in its instant noodles...

... and, to be honest, they should. I already had high expectations after trying out their cheese flavor, and it turned out even better than those.

The broth is mostly made of chicken stock and herbs, but it also has a bit of cayenne pepper and turmeric, giving it a very nice flavor. I'd compare the flavor to some delicious fried chicken (the quality kind, not KFC or something).

Katsuo Udon by Kelly Loves: ???/5

I ate these expensive (more than 2€) noodles thinking they'd be at least a tiny bit similar to any other instant noodles I've ever had.

That was not the case. They were almost comparable to something you'd eat at a snack bar. What the hell am I supposed to rate this thing?! Comparing them to cheap-as-hell instant noodles doesn't even feel fair.

Whatever. They're good.

Atração de Queijo by Knorr: 4/5

The name of this particular packet is called «Cheese Attraction» when translated to English (no, really). However, are they really attractive?

Well, I suppose I should start with how the noodles look when they're finished, as they're the most bizarre-looking instant food I've ever eaten. Because the seasoning powder is full of actual cheese and turmeric, its broth is neon yellow. It includes dry herbs as well, which float in the broth... and it smells pretty bad too, with the cheese and all. It honestly reminds me of some sort of toxic sludge.

However, the cheese flavor mixed with the herbs and spices makes for quite a tasty snack. I actually really enjoyed it, and it's nice to see an uncommon ramen broth like this every once in a while.

Vegetable flavor by Koka: 2/5

Oh my lord, Koka noodles again. This time, they're even pretty bearable, almost good-ish, though ultimately just kind of forgettable.

I like to think I've gotten better at analyzing flavors of instant noodles (such a useful skill, I know), but these? They just kind of taste like vegetable soup, albeit a bit more bland and a lot more watery, and as such is better than most Koka noodles.

Boring-ass instant noodles... What's that? Why do I keep buying Koka products? They're priced at around 90 cents each packet...

Curry Flavor by Koka: 1.5/5

I don't really know how to describe this one... Koka noodles are notoriously cheap (even by instant ramen standards), so I wasn't expecting much. Did it disappoint me? Not really. It also did not surprise me in any way.

It was incredibly spicy, so much so that the spice almost overshadowed the flavor completely. That's a good thing, because the flavor itself was mediocre at best. Man, whatever... I suppose it's edible enough.

Shrimp Flavor by Pingo Doce: 3.5/5

Since I liked their cup noodles so much, I decided to pick up another kind of noodles from Pingo Doce. While not as flavorful as Beef Teriyaki, it's not bad at all. I actually enjoyed the mild flavor, despite not being a fan of seafood ramen (the instant kind at least).

Overall, they're slightly above average in terms of taste compared to most instant noodles seen around these parts. I'm sure the guys responsible for making instant noodles for this Portuguese supermarket chain must be really proud of themselves.

Chicken Flavor by Wai Wai: 4/5

Pretty damn good! The only thing I can really complain about is that the seasoning had too much garlic (then again, I'm incredibly picky with the amount of garlic in food). I liked that the spicy seasoning was separate from the regular seasoning- I'm a fan of spiciness, but many people aren't, so I appreciate the thought.

The packet had instructions, obviously, but one of the suggestions was just straight-up deranged... it was to «munch it», which in their words means to «open pack and seasonings, mix well and eat from the pack»...? I have no idea who in their right mind would eat uncooked noodles, seasoned or not. What a strange suggestion.

Banzai Noodle Chicken Flavor by Cigala: 2.5/5

Eh. A bit too salty, honestly, but otherwise okay. Not good, but okay. What's up with the racist caricature in the packaging though...?

Demae Ramen Miso by Nissin: 3/5

I typically really like Nissin noodles, but this one wasn't really it... Too salty for me. However, there was a slightly spicy aftertaste that I enjoyed.

Beef Teriyaki Flavor by Pingo Doce: 5/5

Can anyone at all explain why these store-brand noodles fuck so hard? It's an amazing blend of sweet, salty and spicy... on store-brand noodles... what??

The only complaint is that I have to go to Pingo Doce and hear one of their overly obnoxious advertisement jingles.